Introducing Kisumi Torisawa’s Criminology Lab!

NOTE: This entire post is written in the perspective of Kisumi Torisawa and not the Prophet Driller’s.

On the right is not my husband, but the chief of the Kozankyo Police Department.


Hello! I am Kisumi Torisawa, a researcher at Kozankyo University studying criminology. I am the mother of Kagami and Yumi Ochiai, my two beloved daughters. Today, I would like to introduce a new thing that will be on Drillimation Systems’ website (breaking the fourth wall, by the way). That’s right, I am introducing a new series of articles titled Kisumi Torisawa’s Criminology Lab.

But, before I get into the details of this, let me explain my life story on how I became a criminologist.

Kisumi’s Life

I was born on January 27, 1966 as the only child to a not-so-average family. In fact, my childhood was pretty banged up, so expect a tear jerker from this. You may not know this about me, but I was not born in Kozankyo, but in the town of Gairai located in central Kozan province. My family was poor and we lived in a tiny house in Gairai.

The jump to Kozankyo didn’t really happen until I was four. My father was hospitalized for an unexpected illness, and died of cancer shortly thereafter. My newly-widowed mother was in an extremely difficult situation at this point, and I almost got disbanded and sent off to an orphanage. Luckily, we had a savior come in from the Kozanese Ministry of Culture, and my mother was told about high-paying job opportunities in Kozankyo, so we packed our bags and moved to Kozankyo, where she began working for Kozan Insurance Group.

Kozankyo was where I spent the rest of my childhood, and we lived in a two bedroom apartment with my mother, just west of Downtown Kozankyo. In addition, my mother was also hired as a film critic for a local entertainment magazine. Because of this, my mother would take me to film festivals across Eastern Kozan, where I was introduced to films around the world and also got my first glimpse of popular culture.

Because my mother was always busy, she would not always be home after school. So, as a way to escape my loneliness, I would often sit and watch sitcoms and anime on television, but sometimes I would flock to a local video arcade, which opened when I was just seven, where two older kids would be playing Pong. This marked my first time interacting with a computer.

So, I bribed my mother get me a computer, and with all that money she had been saving, she got me a TS-Desk, which was the world’s very first desktop computer. It was manufactured by a small company called TheorySonic, which was based in the Commonwealth Republic of El Kadsre (pronounced ehl-kasair, the “d” is silent), then known as the Vlokozu Union. It was a pretty expensive computer, costing over 3,200 ingots (roughly $3,200, that computer would be $16,800 in 2019 adjusted for inflation).

But, during that time, the Soviet Union invaded Kozan, and SPASDOT was soon born thereafter. I was nine when the invasion happened, and I was too young to join the Kozanese Royal Defense Force at the time, so it was basically wartime for pretty much the second half of my childhood. After graduating junior high school in 1979, I enrolled in my high school’s computer science club.

That’s me (on the right) and Hideo in 1980. Yes, I had black hair like any other Japanese person back then.

Luckily, I got an upgrade around that time, me and two other students got the then-new TS-Desk 4, which released the same year I entered my freshmen year of high school. One time during my sophomore year in a visit to the arcade I frequented, I met a boy my age who was playing a weird new game. That’s right, it was Pac-Man. He was immediately hooked onto the title. I didn’t know his name, but he introduced himself to me as Hideo Ochiai. He was using the game as a way to fight depression after losing his ex-girlfriend.

That’s me in Hideo’s dorm room next to King Soujirou and Crown Princess Konata in January 1984.

By the time I finished high school, I enrolled at Kozankyo University. Originally, I wanted to study fashion merchandising and because of my interest in pop culture, I also wanted to be a film actress too, but because of SPASDOT being on the horizon, I decided to study criminal justice instead. Coincidentally, Hideo Ochiai enrolled at the same school as me, and that was when we became boyfriend and girlfriend. I became so interested in him that I would drop by his dorm room nearly every single day after school to see what programs he whipped up, he was one of the only students there to own a Commodore 64.

That was me back in 1983, I was asked to pose for a newspaper photo in the Daily Bunbunmaru. This photo was used for an ad to promote Kozankyo University’s annual Victorian Ball.

In addition, we both got drafted into the Kozanese Royal Defense Force for a military operation in the Soviet Union. I was one of the few female soldiers in the army. Don’t ask us how we got out uninjured. My teamwork with him eventually built up my relationship with him, and eventually fell in love with Hideo. He took me to Kozankyo University’s annual Victorian Ball for every year I was a student here, held on the second Saturday in March.

That’s me as the “newly-crowned queen” after getting married that day. This was apparently the last photo that my mother took of me.

In 1987, I successfully completed my degree at Kozankyo University, and Hideo and I were both married the following year. We decided to stay in Kozankyo as my husband had yet to complete his doctorate. Before I married Ochiai, he insisted I have very long hair, which is sometimes seen as a requirement for marriage in Kozanese culture, even this is required to marry into the Kozanese Royal Family.

There’s me the day after I got married, wearing junihitoe (12-layer kimono).

While I was college, I sped up the process using keratin, which is said to make hair healthy, but can also promote hair growth as well. Within a year, my hair had grown all the way down to my ankles! Walking was difficult as my hair trailed on the ground, so to keep it off, I decided to tie my hair in a bun but have it tied at the position my hair was long at before I started keratin.

In addition, Hideo Ochiai is a member of the Ochiai Clan, a wealthy family descended from the daimyo, and the day after I got married, I had to dress in junihitoe, which is a 12-layer kimono worn by court ladies in Japan, but is sometimes worn by commoners for things like weddings and such.

Over the next four years, I ended up giving birth to two daughters, Kagami in 1989 and Yumi in 1992. The 1990s were mostly us raising both our daughters.

More information about Criminology Lab

Never, would I talk this long about my life, but my criminal justice major helps me shed a light on the increasingly controversial topics about SPASDOT, including multiple reports about terror-related arrests around the world. In addition, the Kozanese Broadcasting Network (KBN) even brought me up as a homeland security correspondent, reporting on SPASDOT’s activities in the late 1990s and early 2000s.

We hope you enjoy the reports I’ve written from over the years.

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