Side-of-the-Road Obstacle Courses, and Why It’s an Eyesore to Navigate the Neighborhood Slalom

It’s a normal day in your car until you see something on the side of the road before you angrily flail your arms down on the steering wheel. I’ve already talked about roadwork being a king-size dump of 💩, but another annoyance is a classic eyesore: Driving down a normal two-lane road in your own neighborhood and having it turn into a high-stakes game of Obstacle Course Simulator!

Look, the road was built for two things: cars moving forward, and cars moving in the other direction! Simple, right? So why is every single meter of asphalt on the shoulder treated like a public parking lot, a pedestrian boardwalk, or an unloading dock!?

First off: people walking and biking right on the edge of the driving lane. I get it, exercise is great. But when you’ve got a meter of space between your elbow and my side mirror, why are you walking with traffic instead of looking at me?! And cyclists—if you’re taking up half the lane, move over! I shouldn’t have to cross a double yellow line into oncoming traffic just to give you two meters of breathing room!

And speaking of taking up the lane—what about regular cars just parked on the side of narrow streets? You know the ones. Streets barely wide enough for two cars to pass, but someone decides, “Hey, this looks like a great place to leave my full-sized SUV!” Now the entire street becomes a one-lane bottleneck! You have to play a game of chicken with whoever is coming from the other direction just to see who gets to squeeze past first!

But it’s not just private cars! It’s the daily fleet of professional lane-blockers: the United States Postal Service (USPS), United Parcel Service (UPS), FedEx, and Amazon!

They hit the hazards—the universal “I can park wherever I want” lights—and just stop dead in the middle of the lane! On a turn, on a hill, right in front of a driveway! It doesn’t matter! They just abandon ship to drop off a bubble mailer!

And then come the garbage and recycling trucks! Stopping every six meters, taking up both lanes, crawling at three kilometers an hour during morning rush hour! And the king of them all… The School Bus.

Now look, keeping kids safe is important. Nobody wants to rush past a school bus picking up or dropping off children. But why do so many of them NOT have a warning sign on the back that says “Caution: Vehicle Makes Frequent Stops”!? You’re driving behind one, everything seems fine, and BAM—red lights flashing, stop sign pops out, and you’re trapped!

And God forbid you misjudge the timing or get confused on a multi-lane road! They slap you with a $500 fine and points on your license faster than you can say “stopping distance”! They threaten you with massive penalties, but half the time they don’t even give you a heads-up that they’re about to slam on the brakes!

Walkers, bikers, parked sedans, delivery vans, trash haulers, and school buses—all turning a two-minute drive to the store into a nerve-wracking slalom where every five seconds you’re stuck waiting, swerving, or praying you don’t get a ticket! They are all BS.