What if There Were an Almanac For Drillimation Danmaku Universe Characters?

While relistening to the soundtrack for the original Plants vs. Zombies, I thought to myself if there was an almanac for all of the characters in the game. I’ve come up with entries for two Drillimation Danmaku Universe games, both from Phase Two. I’ve mostly done every single boss in those games.

DISCLAIMER: All of these entries are entirely fictional and do not conform to the lore of the characters’ original creators.

Touhou Meijinka ~ Song of Divine Tempest

Tamako Hikawa

Tamako is very proud of her surname, which means “ice river.” She often tries to freeze the local pond just to walk across it dramatically, but usually just ends up with wet boots. She rushed to protect Raiko’s concert because she heard there would be free refreshments. There weren’t.

Kaori Hosokawa

As the successor to the Narukamites, Kaori takes her job very seriously. She loves granting blessings to anyone she meets, though most people wish she’d stop – being blessed by a lightning bolt usually results in a very frizzy hairstyle. She’s currently looking for a “little river” to match her surname, but all she’s found are drainage ditches.

Ayaka Takajima

Ayaka spends her time at the Misty Lake trying to transcend humanity. She’s seen visions of a dark-haired being so many times that she’s started charging it rent. She claims her surname means “high island,” but her friends think she’s just high up in the clouds. If you see her in a trance, do not poke her with a rake.

Emiri Kanzaki

Emiri is fueled by 100% pure determination and a very long list of grievances. She swears loyalty to House Horikawa, mostly because they have the best dental plan. She’s currently seeking revenge for her cousin, but she keeps getting distracted by anyone who looks vaguely familiar. “I’ll get you eventually!” she shouts at her own reflection.

Yumi Ochiai

Eleven-year-old Yumi is a phantom idol who can leap through time. She mostly uses this ability to skip the boring parts of movies or to eat dessert before dinner. She’s been a silent protagonist before, but now that she has a voice, she won’t stop complaining about how much better the snacks were in the “present day.”

Kagami Ochiai

Kagami is understandably upset. You see, everyone left her concert to go to Raiko’s storm concert because Raiko promised “blessings.” Kagami tried promising free stickers, but it just wasn’t the same. She’s traveled back in time to sabotage the competition, mostly out of a professional spite and a lack of ticket sales.

Jane

Jane is an android with the soul of a girl named Janet and the musical taste of a haunted Victorian mansion. Her songs about death are big hits at Requiem Masses, though they tend to make the audience go a bit “insane.” She’s very loyal to the Matriarch, primarily because robots don’t need to sleep through long concerts.

Raiko Horikawa

Raiko wants “Eternal Happiness” for everyone, and she’s prepared to be very Spartan about it. If you aren’t happy, you clearly aren’t listening to the beat. She was born from a taiko drum and adopted by humanoids, which explains why she treats every problem like something that needs to be hit with a stick. She’s currently reforming global cultures, one drum solo at a time.

Jeanne Horikawa

Jeanne is the mysterious powerhouse of House Horikawa. She wears a red jacket because it hides the stains from all the tea spills while watching the drama of Gensokyo unfold. She doesn’t get out much, but when she does, she makes sure everyone knows the “extra” in “extra stage” stands for “extremely over your nonsense.”

Touhou Chouhatsuyou ~ Burgeoning Tresses of Longevity

Mayu Ikazuchi

Mayu is an idol who believes that bigger is always better, especially when it comes to hair volume. She uses four cans of hairspray a day, which has been cited as a major environmental hazard by the local tengu. She claims her hair is “naturally” floor-length, but local stylists suspect she’s actually just a collection of sentient split ends.

Kagami Ochiai

Kagami is still fuming about her low ticket sales. She tried jumping back to the Edo period to find a more “appreciative” audience, but the peasants just thought she was a very colorful, loud fish. She’s currently considering a career in synchronized swimming, provided the water isn’t too “wet.”

Kisumi Torisawa

As a news editor and mermaid, Kisumi is great at sniffing out “fishy” stories. She took her daughter on a time-traveling vacation to escape the stress of the office, only to find that deadlines are universal. She’s currently looking for a waterproof typewriter that doesn’t attract hungry bears.

Kiyomi Tatariya

Kiyomi is incredibly shy, which is why she wears a mask. She once tried to win a staring contest with a statue and lost. Now she spends her time practicing her “cursed gaze” in front of a mirror, which has led to some very unfortunate accidents involving the mansion’s plumbing and several very confused rabbits.

Suika Ibuki

Suika absolutely loves her new, extra-long hair. It’s perfect for hiding extra bottles of sake or the occasional small bird. She claims the increased density of her ponytails makes her punches harder, but mostly it just makes her a very effective broom whenever she walks through the Hakurei Shrine.

Asta Nattendottir

Asta is the self-proclaimed “daughter of the night,” which mostly means she stays up until 4AM watching conspiracy theory videos. She takes gatekeeping very seriously and will not let you into the tower unless you know the password. The password is “password,” but she keeps forgetting it herself.

Mabayu Kanbe

A former doll with a penchant for high-end fashion, Mabayu is often confused for a certain boundary-manipulating youkai. She finds this insulting. “I have way more accessories,” she huffs. She spends most of the day managing the tower’s elevators, even though the tower doesn’t actually have any.

Yuugiku Kanbe

Yuugiku believes that everyone deserves long, luxurious hair. She doesn’t understand why people complain about it getting caught in doors, soup, or ceiling fans. Since losing her hair in the extra stage, she has pivoted to “Solar Eclipse Enthusiast,” proving that if you can’t have hair, you might as well have cosmic dominance.