Tewi Jumps Off a Mountain and Dies Review – A Mountain of Rabbit Torture

Step forward, my loyal subjects, and behold the exquisite agony of the digital rabbit hole. Today, we discuss the plight of Tewi Inaba – a rabbit of cunning and pranks who apparently has the survival instincts of a lemming with a death wish! We are looking at Tewi Jumps Off a Mountain and Dies and its sequel, which are a pair of titles that dare to ask if we took a beloved Touhou Project character and subjected her to the kind of structural negligence usually reserved for a Victorian-era coal mine. When I learned there were two games as part of a series, I decided to review both instead of just one. So, grab your carrots and prepare your eardrums for the sound of a thousand deaths because who knows if both games are a masterpiece of precision or just a very elaborate way to watch a rabbit explode.

The First Game

Gameplay

These games are marketed as a precision platformer. When you hear those words together, you know you’re about to be served a giant, steaming bowl of frustration with a side of broken controllers. They also marketed it as a rage game because the developers apparently knew that video games wouldn’t be fun anymore and instead psychological warfare.

The game is entirely click-based. You’re playing a platformer with a computer mouse. It’s like trying to eat soup with a fork. You click to jump, and no matter where you aim, you plummet into a pit of despair while the same low-budget explosion effect and death sound play over and over. It’s like the game is laughing at you. If you wanted to land on that ledge, too bad. You’ll just be greeted with an explosion for your trouble. I couldn’t even get past the first room of the third stage because some crudely drawn Cirno boss just crushes you instantly. What were they thinking!?

It’s got jump counters to track your failure, difficulty settings that mean absolutely nothing when the physics are janky, and graphics that look like they were made in Microsoft Paint during a power outage. I’d rather jump off a cliff and land on my ear than try to make one more pixel-perfect jump in this digital torture chamber.

It’s a game about a bunny jumping off a mountain and dying. And after five minutes of playing, I want to join her. What a load of goat vomit.

Graphics

Now, let me talk about the graphics. I use that term loosely because calling this art is like calling a pile of doggy doo-doo a gourmet meal. Look at it, and as I said, it looks like it was made in Microsoft Paint during a thunderstorm by someone wearing a blindfold.

The protagonist, Tewi Inaba, is just a blob of sidewalk chalk art. She looks like a marshmallow that fell into a gutter. The backgrounds are flat and the platforms are just lifeless blocks that look like they were drawn by a kindergartener who just discovered the fill tool. There’s little detail in everything you see.

And then you have the boss. It’s a crudely drawn Cirno that looks like a doodle on a restaurant napkin. When you die, which you eventually will, you get hit with this stock explosion sprite that looks like it was ripped out of a 1993 shareware game. It’s so jarring that it’s like someone threw a brick at your eyeballs!

It’s got that retro aesthetic, but not the good kind of retro like Castlevania or Contra. It doesn’t emulate the kind of retro that makes you want to go back in time and prevent the invention of the computer. It’s a digital eyesore – I’ve seen more detailed graphics on a piece of burnt toast.

Audio

The soundtrack is actually not bad. It has a decent vibe that almost makes you think you’re having a good time, but when you press a button, bam. That death sound effect will hit your ears like a freight train loaded with chalkboard scrapings. It’s like being at a symphony where the conductor occasionally just screams into a megaphone directly at your face.

You will hear that same death sound effect every three seconds. It’s a psychological trigger – I’ve heard more soothing sounds coming from a wood chipper filled with alarm clocks. It’s the kind of repetitive auditory torture used to break spies in underground bunkers. I’d rather listen to a dial-up modem having a seizure while a cat plays a slide whistle.

And where did the sound effects come from? It sounds like they were ripped from a 1990s sound effects CD found in a bargain bin at a defunct RadioShack. There’s no variety or nuance – jump, die, explode. Over and over until your brain turns into a pumpkin puree. It’s like the developers found one WAV file on a floppy disk and decided, “Yeah, that’s the one. Let’s make the player regret having ears.”

Other Problems

You think the graphics and the click-to-die gameplay are the only problems, but that’s just the tip of the iceberg. There are other problems that make me want to strap this game into a rocket and fire it into the sun.

First of all, the hitboxes. You’ll be one meter away from a spike or a pile of dynamite, and boom. Stock explosion takes place and it’s like Tewi has a magnetic attraction to death. It’s not precision if the game can’t even tell where the character ends and the floor begins. It’s like trying to play Operation with a pair of electrified pliers.

Redeeming Qualities

If you have the patience of a Buddhist monk or the twitchy reflexes of a squirrel on a meth bender, you can beat this thing fast due to it being mercifully short. That’s the best part – the sooner it’s over, the sooner the nightmares stop. In an era where big-budget games at least have the decency to crash and save you from playing them, this one actually works. It opens, runs, and stays that way. It’s like a car that’s on fire but the engine won’t quit.

You can find and play this game on itch.io, which means it costs exactly zero dollars. The only thing you’ll lose is your sanity, hearing, and maybe a few years off your life expectancy. The deaths can be unintentionally hilarious in seeing and hearing the same explosion and death sound effect, but only if you like watching things suffer.

My Verdict

This game doesn’t just fail; it traumatizes. It’s the kind of thing that makes you wish the computer had never been invented. Do you ever look at a piece of technology and wonder how many brilliant minds worked for decades to perfect the silicon chip, the liquid crystal display, and the fiber optic cable, only for it to display this!? It’s like using a NASA supercomputer to play Tic-Tac-Toe against a rock.

On a scale of 10, I give it a 2. It lands squarely in the Very High category of the scale not because it’s radioactive; it’s a pure, concentrated filth. It’s a digital eyesore that makes me want to strap the source code to a rocket and fire it directly at the sun, and then blow up once it reaches the surface.

I’d rather take a bath in a tub of lemon juice and razor blades than make one more pixel-perfect jump in this rabbit-themed hellscape. If you want to see a bunny die, go watch a nature documentary narrated by a guy with a heavy cold. It will be more entertaining and significantly less painful than this.

If you dare to try the game for yourself, you can play it here:
https://fumorin.itch.io/tewi-jumps-off-a-mountain-and-dies

The Sequel

Gameplay

Now, let’s talk about the sequel. You’d think after the first disaster, they’d learn their lesson, but no. They decided to double down on the suffering. It’s marketed as a spiritual sequel, which is just a fancy way of saying “same nightmare, different coat of paint”.

The gameplay is still that precision platformer rage bait, but this time, they added deadly traps that Tewi placed herself. What kind of rabbit is this!? She’s like Jigsaw with floppy ears! You’re still jumping through stages that feel like they were designed by a sadist who hates joy. The good news is you can now move left or right with the A and D keys, but the controls are still stiff, even if you jump.

There’s no continuity between the games, but there’s definitely a continuity of frustration. You’re still struggling with the same janky physics trying to reach the top of Youkai Mountain, while the game practically begs you to lose your mind. It’s got an Easy mode, but even with checkpoints, it’s still a mountain of torture. I’ve seen more fairness in a rigged carnival game. It’s like the developers watched someone play the first one and said, “How can we make this even more of a middle finger to the player?”

Graphics

You’d hope that a sequel would mean an actual budget, or at least someone learning how to use a paintbrush. They took the Microsoft Paint scribbles from the first game and completely revamped them. The art direction looks way better than the first, but not as good as the first Chuhou Joutai game.

The opening cutscene art actually looks like someone tried and does look interesting, but then you get into the game, and it’s back to the same lifeless platforms. It’s supposed to be Youkai Mountain, but it looks more like a grid of geometric nightmares designed to make your eyes bleed.

Tewi still plays like a sentient marshmallow, and the deadly traps she apparently set for herself look like they were drawn during a bumpy bus ride. It’s got that same retro look, but again, it’s not the good kind of retro and makes you wonder if your graphics card is having a stroke.

Audio

You’d think that with a new composer like PetarS on board, your ears would finally get a break from the auditory equivalent of a cheese grater. And to be fair, the music is an improvement. It’s got energy and rhythm, but it serves as a rhythmic backdrop to the sound of your own soul being crushed. They even brought back the first game’s creator, Fumorin, to compose the ending track, just to remind you of the hell you just crawled out of.

But here’s the kicker: it doesn’t matter how good the music is when it’s constantly interrupted by the sound of Tewi exploding into a million digital pieces! It’s like trying to listen to a Mozart symphony while someone stands next to you popping bubble wrap directly into your ear canal. Every time you miss a jump, which is all the time and every five seconds, the music gets drowned out by that same death sound.

The sound effects are almost exactly the same as the original! It’s an auditory nightmare that makes me want to deafen myself with a pair of rusty screwdrivers. It’s like putting a silk ribbon on a pile of garbage – the ribbon is nice but you’re still looking at and hearing garbage.

Other Problems

If you thought the first game was a mess, this one takes the cake, bakery, and the entire wheat field.

First off, the difficulty isn’t even difficulty. It’s just pure unadulterated torture. The developer literally calls it “torture” on the page! At least they’re honest about hating their audience. You’ve got people in the comments saying “I hate this game” and “never again”, and I don’t blame them. It’s the kind of game that makes you want to bite your controller in half just to feel something other than emotional pain.

It still has those circular colliders from the first game that provide artificial difficulty. You can be clear of a hazard, but because the game thinks you’re a giant invisible marble, you explode anyway.

Even Jun’ya Ohta (or ZUN), the creator of Touhou Project himself, apparently played this on stream! Can you imagine? The man who created this character had to witness this digital abomination! It’s like showing Leonardo da Vinci a finger painting made of garbage. It’s a mountain of madness, a summit of suffering, and quite frankly, a giant pile of torture that will pull you down the rabbit hole.

Redeeming Qualities

Unlike the first game’s assault of explosive jumpscares, we actually have a better soundtrack here. Thanks to a composer who knows what they’re doing, your ears get a break while your soul is being crushed. They did include an easy mode with checkpoints while still being a mountain of torture, but at least you don’t have to restart the entire nightmare every time you hit a pixel-sized spike. It’s the difference between being thrown into a pit of spikes and a small pillow.

There’s something strangely therapeutic about knowing the father of the series had to suffer through this digital abomination just like me and the rest of us. If he could survive seeing his characters treated like this, I guess I can survive one more jump. The opening cutscene and graphics actually look like someone picked up a paintbrush instead of a half-eaten crayon. It’s still a platforming mess once the gameplay starts, but progress is progress. It’s like putting a tuxedo on a trash can.

My Verdict

Who asked for a sequel? Who played the first one and said, “Gee, I really wish I could be tortured by a digital rabbit some more?” It is a summit of suffering and madness that makes me want to bite my controller and half just to feel a different kind of pain.

It’s better than the first one in the way that a kick in the sign is better than a kick in the teeth. On a scale of 10, I give it a 4. The music is great, but it’s just the soundtrack to your own funeral. It lands squarely in the High Contamination category because it’s a more polished piece of trash, but at the end of the day, you’re still standing in a dumpster.

Both of these games are a testament of humanoid endurance. Specifically, how much garbage we’re putting up with for a few pixels of a rabbit. I’m going to stare at a blank wall for three hours to recover. It will be more visually stimulating than this mountain of misery.

If you dare to try the game for yourself, you can play it here:
https://tim-m.itch.io/tewi-jumps-off-a-mountain-and-dies-2